Donald Trump only surrounds himself with the best people. The official women of Trump (not counting Stormy, Summer, McDougal, or any of the other dozen plus women whom Trump denies having grabbed, groped, assaulted, or otherwise affaired with), are all shining beacons of Be Best beatifics.  From Sarah Sanders’ Red Hen hunger strike, to Kellyanne Conway’s groundbreaking theories on facts, to Ivanka’s feckful cunning, to Kirstjen’s empathetic empanadas, to Nikki’s departure from the UN Human Wrongs Council for daring to disagree with US, to Haspel’s black ops handling of… (not sure what, the tapes were destroyed), these ladies all make the Don proud.  Then there’s Melania.  She of the hand-swatting, disappearing acts, defiant jackets, ironic anti-bullying causes, and worst of all, aging beauty; where does she fit in this classy mix?

There’s no excuse for the last faux pas. Aging happens to everyone, but Trump does not let his wives grow old gracefully.  They are instead put out to pasture, literally traded in for newer models.

Be Best has a hip-hip bebop ring to it, appealing to my love of alliteration. But is it a true passion of hers?  Or a subtle dig at the dick she’s married to?  Cut her some slack for having married an asshole, else my wife might unfairly take too much flak.

The entertaining images of Melania seemingly shunning Donny’s handholding attempts may have truly been snubs, but just as easily could have been inadvertent missus’ misses of the mini-hands of the man.

Her disappearing for weeks on end is attributable to being camera-shy, as are most former models. It’s also likely a force of nature, as those who gravitate around an all-consuming center of its own universe will parabolically fluctuate between perigee and effigy apogee.

But what’s with that jacket?  I’ll be the first to excuse her previously derided fashion decision, in the form of high heels.  If not for the fact that I am short, I’d encourage more long-legged women to flaunt that which they have with heels.  Wearing stilettos on the way to a plane is inoffensive.  Now wearing a jacket that says you couldn’t care less while on the way to a humanitarian cause… that’s a little tougher to understand or defend.  Still, I have to sympathize, for even though she willingly was bought into a monstrous relationship, she’s still stuck with an ogre.  Surely she’s waiting for Prince Charming or Mueller or Avenatti to rescue her from this nightmare.  So to that end, I’ve made it my mission (more of a side hobby / distraction) to decipher the hidden message in her hideously hubristic outerwear last week.

I REALLY DON’T CARE. DO U?

Eighteen letters, plus three symbols (apostrophe, period, question mark – just writing out these three takes up more effort and space than her original message), in what is short even by twitter standards. There must be more to it than this blatantly insensitive, careless coat offering.

Via some handy Scrabble pieces and homage to the movie Sneakers, I found some possible alternative Chinese proverbs that she was really trying to say carefully, without sounding the dog whistle alarms of Trump’s SS (secret service, of course). I selectively added, omitted, or substituted punctuations.  Since these are not Scrabble pieces, they seemed less important in the effort to decipher Melania.

 

O CORDIALLY TUNED EAR

EL TORNADO DIARY CLUE

REAL LADY CRIED. ONTO U

LONE CURIO TRADE LADY

UNCRATED ORIOLE LADY

YOU READ LOCAL TINDER?

 

COLD EYE: DON T, U R A LIAR

O, ‘E A CRUEL LYIN DOTARD

U A DIRTY CORLEONE LAD

ICE ARE NOT UR OLD LADY

YOUR DOLLA’ AINT CREED

I RECANT YOUR OLD DEAL

Y I ON A CRUEL LORD DATE?

LORD LIE, YOU CAN’T READ

REALLY R A CUNT, DOODIE

CLEARED! NOT YOUR LADY

 

O DEAR. A COUNTRY’LL DIE!

CLEARLY DO OR DIE. A NUT!

OUR ELECTION DAY LARD

L OUR DEADLY CREATION

I’D REALLY DO A RECOUNT.

N IDEA – RECALL RUDY TOO

I’D DO OUR RALLY DECENT

A LORD DUNCE ROYAL TIE

OUR TINY DOLLARED ACE

LORD, RUE ACTION. DELAY!

COULD I DELAY? OR E RANT

LOUD TIRADE, CRY ALONE

 

O, DARE I TRY ‘N COLLUDE?

RADIO CODE N.Y. – ALL TRUE

ALOUD: E CLEAN OR DIRTY?

ONLY OUTED LIAR CADRE

U READY? “I DO NOT RECALL”

 

YEAR I O’ CRUEL DONALD T

OL RULER: DACA DIE?  Y NOT.

TURN ALL DAY ICE RODEO

ORDERLY DENIAL, YOU TACO

DEAR, ALIEN! OLD CRY OUT

O CRY, U A ALIEN TODDLER

I C YOU LEARN TO LADDER

EL LUNATIC DOOR READY

LO, YOU LAND, TEAR CRIED

A DOUR REALITY CLONED

 

U REALLY DON’T CARE. DO I?

 

There’s a decent haiku in there somewhere, I think, though I couldn’t find it (need another good five syllable line).  There’s also hidden deeper meaning in Melania’s shallow message.  Or maybe not.

 

[If you can figure out a haiku or offer some meaningful messages in Melania’s fashion, please let me know.]