Dear Donald,
Donald, you are such an amazing leader of America. So much better than Obama. I am grateful that we can move both of our nations forward together. Rodman told me what a great guy you were, and I agree!
Trump is such a powerful brand. Pyongyang is ready for its own Trump Tower. As you know, we have the tallest building in the world! We would love to rename it after you. We also have the best weather for golf and the most beautiful women!
Is there any way we can move up our date? The whole world will be watching. It’ll be the biggest event since your inauguration! Donald Trump’s Nobel Peace Prize and Kim Jong Un’s Oscar (best foreign actor) will be ours next year!
A shame that Jared is still struggling. Did he get our gifts? We sent them through Cohen. That poor boy reminds me of my brother Nam. Ivanka TRUMP gets it though! Oh, and once again, we did not do anything to McCain. That was North Vietnam. He’ll be dead soon anyway!
Fucking nuclear weapons are such a thing of the past. No one uses them anyway. My father started this business, but I’ve expanded it. Just like you with Trump Enterprises! Now it’s time to move into the next phase, together. Like two young tigers on the prowl!
Idiot Tillerson totally mishandled Otto, as well as everything else. You have my word that North Korea had nothing to do with that poor boy’s condition and death. Rex and the deep state were trying to make us both look bad. Sad!
Thanks for your understanding, Donald. Vlad will be glad we’re getting along so well. I’ll see you soon, good friend!
Yours truly,
Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un, Democratic People’s Republic of Korea
P.S. Sorry for the oversized envelope, Donald. But since you told everyone that your button was bigger than mine, I had to go huge for this missive to impress my people. You know how it is, image is everything!
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