No Right Answers

Sandy Hook is terrible. Forget our rights, be realistic; arming idiots, not smart.  (Enough acronyms, shit-for-brains).  The NRA was well-represented as a merchant of death in Thank You for Smoking, though Bobby Jay Bliss came across as much more likeable than the clay pigeons put out by the actual organization.  Wayne LaPierre is definitely no Nick Naylor.  The Second Amendment Constitutionally protects the rights of citizens to keep and bear arms.  Subsequent Supreme Court rulings expanded upon this to be more than for citizen militias, but for self-defense and hunting (Wikipedia, DC v Heller, 2008).  With that out of the way, okay, I’ll agree that people have a right to buy weapons to protect themselves or to hunt, from tyrannical governments or scary deer.  The buck stops here!

So where does an AK-47, an AR-15, bump stock, or similarly lethal weapons of mass destruction fit this bill? Not even the worst of Chicago neighborhoods has that many gang members outside an innocent’s household that they need unlimited capacity magazines, though Trump’s vision of America may make it sound that bad.  There are some seriously over-crowded deer populations in parts of the country, but do they require semi-automatic weaponry to cull the herd?  It has been proven that an AR-15 is an effective, albeit bloody, alternative to Lyme’s disease.

Clinton’s Federal Assault Weapons Ban prohibited semi-automatics and large capacity magazines from 1994 through 2004. Were we that unsafe during that decade?  Yes, OJ was acquitted around that time, and that scared a lot of people.  But there was no need to take a machine gun to a knife fight.  There were some terrible acts of terrorism during this period, including Oklahoma City, Atlanta Olympics, and 9-11, though AR-15-carrying civilians would not have likely helped in any of these situations.  But aside from Columbine in 1999 (which was horrific as well), there were few mass shootings in this ten-year window.  After the ban ended, there were VA Tech (2007), N. Illinois (‘08), Fort Hood (‘09), Giffords (‘11), Aurora (‘12), Sandy Hook (‘12), San Bernardino (‘15), Pulse Nightclub (‘16), Vegas (‘17), and last week’s Marjory Stoneman Douglas (2018), to name just a few.  Granted, a lot of these shootings used semi-automatic pistols, while others used semi-automatic rifles.  Pick your poison.  The NRA argues that the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is to have a good guy with a gun.  Another way might be to keep the bad guns away from everyone, and avoid the shootouts altogether.  Wouldn’t you rather have overtime?  The NRA also warns that curtailing the ability for anyone to buy any gun in any way will lead to the end of all rights, and a socialist hell on earth, much like one of those European countries that seems to beat the US every year in polls for happiness.

So let’s review those amendments that will fall like dominoes if we curtail the unlimited arsenal of protection needed to safeguard our citizens, as the NRA warns that those evil democrats want and are wont to do. Though they say it starts with the second amendment, we’ll review the first one first, just in case the domino teeters the wrong way.  [Note that I am not a lawyer.  I get my facts from Wiki and kids.laws.com, which is still more research than some leaders.  Hopefully Fox News can present a snippet on Amendments to teach DJT.]

First Amendment – Religious freedom; freedom of speech; freedom of the press – Currently two out of three are under attack by the Trump administration. Religions rhyming with “this bomb” are being discriminated against and its people banned from entry.  Our leader of the free world has declared the press an “enemy of the people.”  He’s also suggested shutting down TV shows that are less than complimentary to his endless ego (see Amendment 28 below).  There’s also something in there about peaceable assemblies, which are anathema to Trump rallies.  To recap, these liberties are under siege, but not from the party that wants to discuss the lethal weapons on the streets.

Second Amendment – A well-regulated militia being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed. Again, the literal wording regarding a militia has been previously expounded by the Supreme Court to cover hunting and self-defense.  The NRA and its lackeys have taken it further to mean that people have the right to buy any type of shooting device, as long as money keeps funneling into the (non-profit) NRA and out to its beneficiaries in office.  Why not real machine guns or grenade launchers?  Doesn’t every militia need its own tank?  Personally, I’d feel safer shooting deer from a drone.  Somehow, limiting the types of weapons or adding qualifications to purchases causes every other amendment to fall as well.  Apparently the only thing keeping the evil powers of government from enslaving the general population (or at least the minorities) is Jim-Bob and his collection of guns.  Yeehaw!

Third Amendment – An old rule about not forcing people to house soldiers in their homes during peacetime. Since our country is constantly at war, this does not seem applicable anymore.  If an army were to try to force its way into your home, at least you’ll have equal footing with the weapons to resist.

Fourth Amendment – Probable cause, search and seizures, etc. This is another one that Donald wants to reconsider, at least when he’s sure of the suspect’s guilt.  Why waste time on procedures or presumptions of innocence, when you can just skip those steps and rough them up, lock them up, and execute?

Fifth Amendment – Eminent domain, due process, self-incrimination – Again, per DJT, only guilty people ever plead the fifth, except when they work for him.

Sixth Amendment – Fair and speedy trials, right to face your accusers – More liberal BS that coddles the criminals! You don’t hear about these pussy rules in the Philippines.

Seventh Amendment – Rights to trial by jury in civil cases – See comments on #6.

Eighth Amendment – Prohibits cruel and unusual punishment – Yeah, fine, except if Trump thinks they deserve it. Whose side are you on anyway?

Ninth Amendment – Protects rights not enumerated in the Constitution. Wait, if it’s not in the Constitution, how can we argue that it is inalienable?  We have to be completely literal, unless it doesn’t suit our argument.  Then nuance is key.

Tenth Amendment – Limits federal government power. We have an obstructionist congress that seems to do this just fine, with or without an amendment.

Eleventh Amendment – Sovereign immunity, whereby states cannot be sued, or something. Not something that’s been discussed in association with gun control, but if the slope is slippery enough or your conspiracy theory runs deep enough…

Twelfth Amendment – President and VP are elected as a package, in lieu of VP being the runner-up. This is the second-most disappointing Amendment ever (after the 18^th).  Can you imagine if Hillary were Donald’s VP?

Thirteenth Amendment – Abolished slavery. As stated previously, the only thing keeping potential slave-owners at bay are big guns.  Reference Django Unchained.

Fourteenth Amendment – Citizenship rights, due process clauses, equal protection. All good things, all subject to fall at the hands of a dictatorial madman.  Fortunately, he likes his gun lobby, so the propping up of No. 2 means that No. 14 can’t fall, right?

Fifteenth Amendment – Right to vote for people not restricted based on color. This seems to be under attack lately, under the thin guise of voter ID laws, making voting lines long in certain areas, gerrymandering, and several other Republican repugnant tactics that have been highlighted in recent elections.  Despite undocumented claims of millions of illegal votes, the bigger problem seems to be attempts to dissuade eligible voters from being able to cast their ballots, not necessarily based on the color of their skin, but based on the fact that a majority of that minority tends to prefer the minority (blue) party.  Yet based on LaPierre’s logic, we should all feel more comfortable seeing packing people at the polls, to safeguard ‘Merica.

Sixteenth Amendment – Congress can collect income tax. Wasn’t the whole point of the tea party to fight taxes?  So these elected officials who defend our Constitution are against its amendment?  Cliff Notes – taxes = bad; guns = good.

Seventeenth Amendment – Popular vote for unpopular senators. Sounds like a good idea, except that the people have a tendency to elect some not so good people.  We won’t name names, and will leave the name-calling to twitterers in chief.

Eighteenth Amendment – Anti-alcohol. Another dark chapter in American history.  Can you imagine trying to live through our current presidency sober?  Fortunately, this was voided via No. 21, which makes sense.  21 is the magic number for drinking.  Now if we were under threat of losing the right to drink, I might reconsider taking up arms.  Some things are worth fighting for.

Nineteenth Amendment – Let women vote. As long as we don’t let them lead the country, am I right?  Just the thought of that might lead some unscrupulous candidate to invoke Second Amendment rights as a defense.  But don’t worry, he wasn’t suggesting that someone shoot her.  He just meant…  Fake news.  Move along.

Twentieth Amendment – Term dates for Presidents and Senators. Who really cares?

Twenty-First Amendment – Dumps that stupid 18^th BS.  Apparently you can amend an Amendment without scrapping the entire Constitution.  Someone tell Wayne.

Twenty-Second Amendment – Term Limits for the President. Thank goodness there is a maximum end date.  Assuming the apocalypse doesn’t precede it.

Twenty-Third Amendment – Let DC vote for President. As if it’s a swing district.  Sorry, DC, you don’t really make a difference.  And your attempt to keep guns out was overruled by the Supreme Court during a stretch interpretation of No. 2.  Who does #2 work for?  (Dr. Evil).

Twenty-Fourth Amendment – No poll tax. Some would argue that the imposition of stringent voter ID requirements are effectively pricing poor people out of the process, but that’s another story.

Twenty-Fifth Amendment – Succession terms for a dead / incapacitated / impeached president. For some reason, this one has been discussed an awful lot in the last thirteen months.  Probably moot, since his party would likely prop him up even if he were dead, a la Weekend at Bernie’s or Moon Over Parador.  They’d hire a chimp to send out racist / incoherent tweets to fool the general population.

Twenty-Sixth Amendment – Sets voting age at 18. For those keeping track, it almost seems like our forefathers and three mothers were trying to encourage the rights of adults, minorities, and women to vote.  Then along came Kansas’ Kris Kobach (aka KKK).

Twenty-Seventh Amendment – Deals with Congressional salaries. Shouldn’t this be incentive-based?  No, that would probably mean that too many people would fall under the minimum wage.

Twenty-Eighth Amendment – All Americans must stand for the National Anthem, Pledge of Allegiance, and State of the Union. All channels must be tuned to Fox News at least four hours per day.  Anyone found to utter unflattering “fake news” about Donald Trump will be guilty of treason (lese majeste).  Okay, this one is not yet on the books, but it’s coming soon.

You know that the Constitution did not say anything about guns, right? The Second Amendment was part of the Bill of Rights that followed / complemented the original document.  However, setting aside the supplementals, the Constitution preambles with “We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”  Not sure why select words are capitalized, but at least there are no emojis or cap-locks or exclamation points, as you’d expect from a Trump tweet (a.k.a. modern day presidential).  But how do you define domestic tranquility?  Wouldn’t schools without gunfights and wild west wingnuts be more in line with general welfare?  Our posterity relies upon us not getting shot before breeding (guess I’m eligible now).

Perhaps the patriots of the NRA really are freedom fighters, and not self-serving psychos hell-bent on putting a gun in every man, woman and child’s hands, and let’s give some to our pets too while we’re at it (dogs should be able to protect themselves). Or not.  I’ll take my chances and roll the dice of living in a world where people are not walking around with military-style weapons.  But that may require relocating to somewhere more sane, such as anywhere else*.  Love it, leave it, or get shot trying.  God bless the US of NRA.

 

*There’s always Australia, though I’ve read that since they started taking away people’s guns, they’ve been overrun with feral cats. https://jarfullofcrickets.wordpress.com/2017/03/21/not-for-all-the-cats-in-australia/