GOT Politics? Westeros, DC

I can’t believe it’s taken me seven seasons and five books to figure out that the Koch Bros funded GRRM to subtly send their message to the greater fantasy fiction nerds and HBO television audience. But I guess if their goal was to be subtle, it wouldn’t be immediately obvious, especially to someone like me who is easily distracted by violence, gratuitous nudity, and squirrels! dragons!

George Railroad Martin has been dragging his feet not because he can’t figure out what he wants to write, but because he’s trying not to spoil the ending (impeachment?). The Koch-heads have their bad guys in power, but the battle is complicated, so they are holding back the next release until they can figure out how it’ll best serve their interests.  They’re like Tywin Lannister crossed with the Iron Bank (ruthless, scheming, rich, moneybags).

The real-world parallels I’ve noticed include:

1. Trump as Cersei – Will say or do anything for his personal / family interests. No morals. Surrounds himself with enablers. Bitter, spiteful. Has no business being in the most powerful position. Does not care about the interests of others, only his own legacy. Does not really have as much money as he would have you believe, but the creditors / auditors know more. Reviled throughout the kingdom / world.
2. Trump as Night King – Ruthless, heartless, can’t be reasoned with. Wants to see the end of humanity. No one is sure how he came to be. Mindless, rabid followers.
3. Trump as Robert Baratheon – Fat, lazy leader, who wants the power without the responsibility. Womanizer. Children from multiple women.
4. Trump as Joffrey – Spoiled, angry brat. Cruel for the sake of being cruel. Disappointment to his father. Talks tough, but is really a pussy. Hopefully a similarly short reign?
5. Trump as Littlefinger – Devious, no loyalty but to himself, master of chaos. Wants to get in the pants of Ivanka / Sansa. Not as smart as he thinks he is. Small hands?
6. Trump as Walder Frey – Dirty old man. Extensive family of useless hangers-on. No morals. Will backstab anyone to protect himself. Does not do any of the fighting himself (bone spurs and lawyers).
7. Trump as Craster – Willing to work with the ultimate evil to protect his own interests (Putin / White Walkers). Multiple wives. Worthless sons (no offense Sam Jr.). Lusts for daughter(s).
8. Trump as Euron – Clearly a bad guy, yet somehow charismatic enough to convince people to follow him.
9. Fred Trump as Tywin – Harsh, overbearing, shitty father, concerned with his legacy and his stupid, disappointing kids. Followed by an even worse heir (Cersei / Donald) who gets farther without thinking through her / his actions.
10. Donald Junior and Eric as Freys – Dingleberry boys (hangers on to asshole daddy).
11. Eric Trump as Tommen – Not as bad as his older brother, but not fit for ruling anything. Might as well just jump out of a window.
12. Tiffany Trump as Myrcella – Seemingly innocent of the family horrors, but really extraneous.
13. Melania as Shae – Hottie from a foreign land, clearly only in it for the money.
14. Barron as Rickon – The forgotten, last namesake of his famous father. Hope the real kid knows how to zag.
15. Ivanka as Sansa – Part of an important family, easy on the eyes, questionable intelligence and motives. Wants to be queen.
16. Jared as Bran – Odd guy thinks he knows everything. Best left in the background.
17. Hillary as Catelyn – Strong, proud matriarch. Easy to dislike. Stood by her (allegedly) cheating husband. Red wedding / red election end to (political) life via treachery.
18. Hillary as Olenna – Old woman who speaks up for herself (such a nasty woman). Does not fall for the BS of clever men. A popular favorite, but loses anyway.
19. Hillary as Cersei – Determined to be first of her name. Stood by her cheating husband (though HRC didn’t poison Bill, yet).
20. Hillary as Daenerys – Expected to rule, as if by birthright. Wants to make the world better.
21. Bernie as Ned – Strong ideas of right and wrong. Doomed from the start.
22. Jim Comey as Ned – followed moral path to own demise. A lot of his decisions were questionable, though always guided by principle. Investigation of corruption cut short by the corrupt people being investigated.
23. Donald as Ned – I don’t think so.
24. Jeb Bush as Robb Stark – Next in line from a strong family. Expected to be a bigger player than he ultimately proved to be.
25. Scott Pruitt as Jon Snow – Winter is coming, and it is bad. It must be stopped.
26. Al Gore as Jon Snow – Trying to warn everybody of the impending doom, though too many naysayers dispute the truth.
27. Obama as Jon Snow – Questionable birth certificate, but the prince who was promised. A good leader, though he was stymied at every turn while trying to do right.
28. Robert Mueller as Jon Snow – Assembling a team to save mankind. Our last hope in the fight against evil.
29. Chelsea as Arya – Avenging mother’s defeat with acerbic tweets / stabs.
30. Jeff Sessions as Qyburn – The king / queen’s lackey. Does dirty work for the boss. Snake. Will abuse children for politics (DACA / spider webs).
31. Mike Pence as Qyburn – a secretly sneaky bad guy.
32. Marco Rubio as Oberyn – Tried to challenge the big boys, but ended up getting crushed.
33. Ted Cruz as Walder Frey – a truly despicable human being.
34. Mitch McConnel as Aliser Thorne – Real prick who believes in what he’s doing, but is only doing harm.
35. Trump’s cabinet as Varys’ spiders – bunch of leakers.
36. Sean Spicer as Grand Maester Pycelle – Doddering fool, with nothing good to say. Pretty much a laughingstock, until finally dispatched by his own team.
37. Bannon as the Mountain – Real power behind the throne. A big, ugly monster who will savagely crush anyone.
38. Scaramucci as Littlefinger – Talkative schemer who doesn’t stay in any one place for long.
39. Obama as Grey Worm – Brave leader, trying to do the right thing. Castrated by the party of rich white guys who would prefer to keep him a slave.
40. Michelle O as Missandei – a hell of an ambassador. Hard to find fault with. Loyal, smart.
41. John McCain as Tyrion – Loyal to a point, but abused and disrespected enough to finally stand against the injustice of his own party / family. Unfairly imprisoned, and wears the scars of wars. Smarter than his cohorts.
42. Joe Arpaio as Ramsay – A sadistic bastard who loves to play games with his prisoners. Survives without consequence for way too long.
43. Kellyanne Conway as Melisandre – scheming old lady faking it to stay in the limelight. Would burn her own children alive for more power.
44. Mike Flynn as Bronn – decent soldier, but in it for the money.
45. Kim Jong Un as Euron – crazy leader of a small, impoverished land that keeps trying to make himself seem more important. Inclined to kill his own family.
46. Evangelicals as Sparrows – Religious fanatics who dally with the Crown to push select interests (e.g. churches should be powerful, gays are bad).
47. Congress as The Citadel – A bunch of (supposedly) smart old white guys who are too timid to step up and do the right thing. They’d rather keep their positions of comfort than rock the boat or right the ship. Maintain the status quo, while things fall apart.
48. White supremacists as white walkers – a plague on the planet, pursuing death and destruction for those who are different from them. Despite the efforts of others, not called out by the president / Queen. Some of those walking dead are “fine people.” Growing under this leader’s (lack of) watch.
49. Mexico as Dorne – Dark-skinned bad hombres from the south.
50. Trump’s Wall as The Wall – a useless barrier to those who are motivated to find a way past.

Did I miss any?